Lower Decks

I’m a fan of Godzilla. It’s a lot of fun to watch the big guy terrorize Japan and crush miniature buildings and tanks. So when I found out that I could watch many of the later entries in the Godzilla franchise for free online, I was excited. I decided to watch Son of Godzilla (also known as Kaijûtô no kessen: Gojira no musuko) first, because it was the oldest available. It was released in 1967.

Son of Godzilla

I sat through all 90 minutes of this atrocity. It was terrible. And not in a fun their-mouths-don’t-match-what-they’re-saying kind of way. It was just an awful, awful movie.

Basically, Son of Godzilla follows the adventures of an intrepid photographer who parachutes onto an island where a secretive cabal of United Nations scientists are working on some environmental project. The island is home to giant preying mantises (I don’t recall their existence ever being explained). Also on the island is a giant egg. Inside, the pathetic spawn of Godzilla.

Look! A giant preying mantis! Run!

There’s nothing kind I can say about “Minilla,” as the son of Godzilla is called. He’s a loser. He burps radioactive smoke rings. He likes jumping on Godzilla’s tail. He falls a lot. It’s not cute, it’s not amusing, it’s just sad. Aside from the first movie, I’ve never taken Godzilla seriously. But this? This was an attempt to make Godzilla funny. And it failed. Oh, how it failed.

There are long scenes of Godzilla trying to teach his son how to be a giant killing machine. Manilla learns how to roar and how to breathe radioactive fire. He also learns how to catch fruit thrown to him. These scenes are painful to watch and seemed to go on forever.

Learning how to roar.

The intrepid reporter and the scientists are attacked by giant mantises and their outpost is nearly destroyed. The reporter also stumbles upon a beautiful woman living on the island. Eventually, she reveals herself to all. She came to the island with her father — also a scientist — and has lived their for years. When many of the scientists come down with a tropical sickness, she’s the one who knows how to cure them.

Yup. There's a giant spider.

She also knows about the deadly giant spider living on the island. Don’t wake it up, she warns. It wakes up. The spider is quickly able to dispatch the mantises and nearly kills Manilla, encasing him in sticky webbing. But proud papa Godzilla comes to the rescue, frees his son, and the two commence to father/son tag team the spider. The two win the day.

I’m pretty sure I watched Son of Godzilla at Hulu.com or Fancast.com but it seems to only be available for free at Crackle.com these days. In any case, take my advice and stay as far away from this abomination as you can. It’s truly that bad.