Lower Decks

I can’t remember where exactly I watched this online. I think it was the Internet Archive but it doesn’t seem to be available anymore. It may also have been Hulu or Fancast. In any case, I don’t have a copy available so this review won’t have any images. Unfortunately, I remember enough about this monstrosity that I’m confident I can paint a pretty good representation of just how bad it is. The Horror of Party Beach isn’t quite what you’d expect from a combination of Beach Blanket Bingo and The Creature from the Black Lagoon (I’d actually like to see that) but take a bad teen movie and add a bad monster movie and you’ve got the basic idea behind The Horror of Party Beach.

Not having done any research for this review I can’t say with authority that the actors and actresses playing teenagers were in their thirties but it certainly looked that way. There’s nothing wrong with that. After all, Frankie Avalon was already 24 when Beach Party was released in 1963. But Avalon at least had the youthful exuberance to pull it off. None of the actors in The Horror of Party Beach even seemed to be really trying. To be fair, I don’t think any of them were actually professional actors, and most never had another acting job. So I suppose they did the best they could.

The thin plot of the movie involves radioactive sludge being dumped in the ocean. Somehow a whole slew of horrific monsters are born from this black, oozing mass, and they must feed on human blood! Meanwhile, a bunch of teenagers are having a beach party complete with singing, dancing and even a fight. Tina, a party girl who breaks up with her boring boyfriend Hank and then dances wildly in the sand, eventually wanders off by herself to get some sun and is soon killed by one of the monsters. Her mutilated body washes up on shore.

Somehow, a scientist by the name of Dr. Gavin gets involved in the investigation of Tina’s death. His daughter, Elaine, wants to jump Hank’s bones but has to go to Tina’s funeral instead. Dr. Gavin’s housekeeper, a tasteless stereotype, is certain voodoo is somehow involved. Perhaps the most memorable scene in the movie takes place when a slew of girls at a slumber party are disemboweled by three or four of the monsters. Elaine was supposed to go to the party but decided against it.

Another three girls drive into town to get gas and, wouldn’t you know it, wind up lost in the woods. Some others manage to escape seconds before they’re attacked by one of the monster (not that they ever see it lumbering after them). The poor hungry monster then tries to snack on a store mannequin, losing an arm in the process of smashing a window. Finally, a break in the case for Dr. Gavin! He can analyze the arm.

The housekeeper, frightened out of her wits at the sight of the arm, knocks some sodium on it, inadvertently discovering a way to kill the monsters. Before long, Henry and Dr. Gavin put the last pieces of the puzzle together: the radioactive sludge came into contact with the bodies of a bunch of dead sailors, turned them into blood-thirsty zombie monsters, and the only way to stop them is to find their lair and toss bucks of sodium at the monsters. Henry is dispatched to New York City to procure the necessary sodium.

Dr. Gavin, the police and Elaine attempt to locate the monster’s home. Elaine, in a brilliant move, decides to head out on her own and actually stumbles upon it. But then she stumbles and gets her foot caught in a rock. This was the low point of an already low movie. Dr. Gavin arrives in time to throw what little sodium he has at one of the monsters, saving his daughter. But now the other monsters are closing in and there’s no more sodium!

Luckily, the police and Hank arrive on the scene with a huge supply of sodium and everyone proceeds to toss handfuls of sodium at the monsters, who immediately burst into flames. In a satisfying ending, Hank and Elaine start dating. It’s not like Henry had a lot of girls to pick from after the monsters killed just about every girl his age.

The Horror of Party Beach is an appalling movie. The monsters are hilariously cheesy and not at all frightening or threatening. Watching it was a truly unpleasant experience and I wouldn’t advise trying it. Some movies are bad enough to be fun viewing; this isn’t one of them. I applaud the cast and crew for trying but really, really wish they hadn’t.